When we’re in the first bloom of love, it feels effortless. He’s saying and doing all the right things – increasing your attraction to him every day. Then, maybe about 3 or 4 down the road – things change.
I’ve witnessed this happen countless times with my clients. It’s at the 4-month mark when the masks drop away and more of the “real” you (and him) emerge. This is a very natural occurrence – but how you handle it will influence whether you make it – or possibly break up.
The first step I recommend to all my female clients when they want to get their relationship back on track (at any stage!) is to make sure you’re being crystal clear with your man about who you are and what you need to feel safe and close to him. Enjoy my “Top 10” recommendations below.
1. Your “Right Now” Want
We women have an endless list of wants and desires, and they can change as often as the wind shifts direction – making it difficult for men to keep up! Make sure you keep your guy informed when the “wind has shifted” and what would make you happy this minute.
2. Amount of Time Together & Apart
Once a couple has been together for a while, you generally settle into a balanced rhythm of together and alone time. If you are in a new relationship – or a long one with hectic and conflicting schedules, then it’s time to talk about what feels right to you and work it out.
3. Your Dress, Shoe and Ring size
Guys have a hard enough time trying to figure out what we want. So make every special occasion a lot easier for him by sharing your correct sizes – including favorite colors and stores you love!
4. Your Money Story
When you’re serious with someone and it looks like moving in or marriage is on the horizon, make a point of talking about money before you take that step. If you’ve racked up big bills and don’t tell him up front, he might wonder what else you’re hiding. Honesty and transparency about you and money is crucial.
5. When You're Hurt
Keeping hurt, resentment and concerns hidden is only going to make one person in the relationship suffer – YOU. Don’t be concerned with getting the words right – it’s more important to EXPRESS what is going on for you.
6. Compliment Requirements
I’ve yet to meet a compliment I don’t like..:) – and I’m sure you’re the same way. But I do understand some women have a hard time receiving (what feels like) too many. If that’s the case for you, let him know he needs to ease up a bit while you continue to strengthen your receiving “muscle”.
7. Emotional Expression Range
Truth is, all us women need to be able to express our full range of emotions at ALL times. This is why it drives us nuts when a man tells us to “calm down” if we’re really upset. Remind him of this often.
8. Your Monthly Happiness Map
This is a tool all my clients absolutely love! Carve out some quiet time and make a list of all the things you would love to have. For example: weekly massage, new couch, romantic weekend away, daily love note – whatever floats your boat! Then, tape this list on your fridge where he can see it. As you cross things off that he has produced for you that month, make a new one to post up again the following month.
9. Your Secret Language
Men’s communication style tends to be direct. They say what they mean, and mean what they say. It’s different for women. Our style leans towards “hinting” at what we want. Men cannot read our mind – so when you want something, tell him.
10. How Much You Appreciate Him
I thought this was a good one to end on because if he’s doing all of the above, then you definitely want to let him know how amazing he is!